1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

6. Is there another word for synonym?

7. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

8. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

9. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

10. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?